Sometimes you have to wonder whether our traveling founding fathers and mothers were as big of pansies as we've apparently become.
Sure, airport security and delayed flights are a pain in the arse, and we clearly value a well-stocked minibar. But some of the "innovative" hotel amenities reported in Hotel Interactive's recent roundup smack us as, well, a bit silly.
After all--at the risk of going all Oregon Trail on you--let's take a moment to remember two old-school travel truths: covered wagons and fording rivers.
Seriously, what would Ma and Pa Ingalls say about luxuries like portable oxygen canisters (for a quick breather, courtesy of the Pan Pacific Vancouver) and in-room basketball courts (at The Palms in Las Vegas)?
That being said, presumably even Laura would have flipped for the Ritz-Carlton South Beach's amenities for tweens.
Sometimes it's the little things that make us happy and as java drinkers, an in-room coffee maker can sometimes be a deal-breaker for us. If a hotel room doesn't have a coffee maker, then we're forced to go downstairs or go out of the hotel. If they have it in-room and it doesn't work or if it works, but makes motor oil coffee, that's just as bad
So we were excited to find the Cuisinart dual-cup, single-brew coffee maker and Lavazza coffee in our room at the Hilton Quebec in January.
Maybe it was the steamy Italian coffee countering the snowy weather or perhaps it was the pristine white ceramic mug with `Lavazza' emblazoned across it that made our coffee seem all the more flavorful.
So, the hotel industry? Not doing so great this year. Not even in Beijing. But, MSBNC reports, the fanciest hotels are all doing their best to stay afloat, and they continue to lure wealthy heads onto guestroom pillows worldwide. Their secret strategy?
Why, baller amenities, of course.
At most high-end properties these days, flatscreen TV's, iPod docking stations and other high-tech gadgets pretty much come standard, so the luxe hotels have opportunities to distinguish themselves by offering super high-touch service.
Not surprisingly, butlers have become more and more popular in luxe hotels and there are more than 150 hotels with butler "programs" -- individuals assigned to anticipate and cater to a guest's every whim -- around the world.
The article even discusses something called a baby butler at the Keswick Hall-- which sounds like a nanny to us, really. Essentially, a baby butler does all the things mom is supposed to be doing...up to and and including rocking the baby to sleep "while mom soaks in the tub." Lord.
We assume and hope the answer to this question is going to be a resounding "hells no," but we have to ask: would someone really pay $40.00 for a bottle of water?
The hotel (which has a Water Menu, believe it or not) sells -- for reals -- bottles of water that range in price from about $9 USD to about $40 USD. 40 dollars. For water.
One of the most expensive bottle on the menu (that we can see, anyway) seems to be something called Just Born Spring Drops, which is presumably bottled from the tears of newborn babies. Royal newborn babies, even.
Also on the menu is 10 Thousand B.C., a bottle of water that can be yours for about $28 USD. The high price, says Maclean's, is due to the fact that the water is sourced in British Columbia's Coast Mountains range. It's priced at $38.50 per liter -- or 5,000 times the cost of tap water.
Ew. Any water that costs 40 bucks a bottle had better be able to reverse the aging process, slim our thighs, and make Chace Crawford appear in bed next to us.
You may well ask (as we did), why does the Marriott in Melbourne even use paper towels at all--but apparently they have them in public areas and staff areas, but thankfully not in guest rooms. Anyways, they don't have paper towels anywhere anymore, because now they've got the (drumroll ...) Envirocane hand towel.
Sex is one of the last fun, free things to do in this world. You get a workout without a pricey gym membership. You get to kiss someone. It feels good; it's nice. If the sex doesn't suck, it's fun -- and if it does suck, then you at least have a fun story to tell the next day.
But leave it to Thompson Hotels to put a steep price tag on your sexytime!
When we stayed at the Thompson LES this weekend, we spied this Sensuality Kit chillin' in the minibar. How hip and trendy! Sex kits! Hooray! Oh, but wait: this is a sex kit that will run you a hot $195.
The little box -- from upscale intimacy boutique Kiki de Montparnasse -- contains personal lubricant, condoms, silk ties, and a teeny signature vibe.
Guess they're hoping we'll dive into the minibar in the heat of the moment looking for something to make the sex a bit hotter.
And we will! But we'll go straight for the vodka, thank you.
We thought iPod docking stations were last year's must have amenity and have got a bit over them recently. But this one did catch our eye: it's the Bowers & Wilkins Zeppelin iPod docking station which has won a bunch of innovation and design awards this year.
The Zeppelin, as well as looking pretty cool, is smart because it fits all existing iPods without any adaptors. It's also got a volume-level governor so hotels can set a maximum loudness for the device--you'll be glad of that when the guest in the next room can't play his squealy hip-hop as loud as he wants.
Apparently these Zeppelins are already found in a few hotels including the Mandarin Oriental Hong Kong and the Ritz Carlton Atlanta and no doubt the Bowers & Wilkins gang are pushing hard to get them in a ton more.
We just hope setting the alarm on these bad boys won't be so difficult.
Remember how we told you about The Bryant Park Hotel's Facebook page last week? And remember how we wondered (aloud, as we tend to do around here) why anyone besides staff members would really be open to associating with hotels on social networking sites?
While we thought hotels keeping up with the "times" was cool and all, we decided it would be even cooler if we could get some kind of a discount as a reward for actually becoming Facebook fans of the hotel.
Well, turns out someone out there on the interwebs was listening to us. Specifically, the Bryant Park Hotel -- we asked for it and we got it.
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by KatieK
