Got $75K you want to, say, throw into the East River? Or maybe you've got a compulsive spending habit that makes you want to throw yourself into the East River? NYC's Buckingham Hotel has a water-themed treat that's right up your alley!
To celebrate artist Olafur Eliasson's man-made waterfalls that have been installed along Manhattan's East River this summer, The Buckingham is offering a special waterfalls package for the ridiculously rich only.
But it includes some of our best friends -- champagne and diamonds -- so we weren't too turned off by the $75,000 price tag.
So, first of all, with the 75K deal, guests obviously are staying in the penthouse suite, which is ready and waiting for them upon their arrival complete with a champagne waterfall. But that's nothing. Tiffany gets involved soon.
The notoriously over-the-top, ridiculously lavish Emirates Palace Hotel in Abu Dhabi is offering a million-dollar hotel package. No, but seriously. This thing costs $1,025,000 for two people for seven days.
For that much, you would expect someone to follow you into your hotel suite's bathroom to wipe your butt with cashmere -- and, frankly, you can probably request it.
Here's what you get: a 680 square-meter three-bedroom suite lined with gold and marble, complete with crystal chandeliers, a giant plasma TV and laptops.
We got it when Berlitz wanted to team up with a hotel to teach us French in Montreal. But going to Germany to learn French? There's something missing in the logic there.
Let's give them the benefit of the doubt, assume they've done some market research and discovered there are travelers who want to stay in Berlin but learn French.
If you belong to that particular market segment then you need to know that the deal is at the Hotel Concorde, a five-star hotel which does, at least, belong to a Paris-based group of hotels, giving the whole French speaking thing just a scrap of credibility.
Calling all Fertile Myrtles and their significant others: you can be one with the sea turtles and conceive your child at the Marco Island Marriott Beach Resort!
Oh no, we're not kidding. Their Fertile Turtle package (greatest package name ever) is indeed meant for couples who are interested in pregger-nating on their vacation:
As sea turtles are known as a symbol of fertility, lovebirds have the opportunity to watch sea turtles eggs hatch, right on the resort's very own three-mile stretch of beach, while trying to fertilize an egg of their own.
Hey, stupid Americans: the French-Canadian folks are so sick of you traipsing around Montreal with your silly English language (and worthless U.S. dollars and ugly Abercrombie outfits) that they are offering to teach you how to speak French.
No, seriously:
A pair of Montreal hotels have partnered with Berlitz Canada to offer French lessons to guests. Hotel Nelligan and Le Place d'Armes Hotel & Suites - part of the Antonopoulos Group of boutique hotels and restaurants - are offering a package that includes five nights' accommodation and 18 hours of private French lessons designed for tourists.
Yeah, what's up now, Aloft Montreal? Let's see you give us a nice bed to sleep in AND teach us French. Yeah, we thought so.
The package starts at $3,494 CAD for two people; reservations can be made here.
