Crazy Hotel Workers stay sane by whining about their life as hotel staff on their huge livejournal site and we never tire of reading it.
This week they mused about the warning signs one hotel is having to put up on new balconies, after a guest climbed on to the railing cables and broke a couple of them. Other Crazy Hotel Workers chimed in with a few good suggestions for the signage, like "Idiots cannot fly or land on their feet". But we think this sign might get the message across more succinctly than the rest:
Do not climb on the railings of the balconies. If you choose to do so and fall, the hotel staff will laugh at your sorry ass while they call an ambulance. You will also be charged triple for the room for being an idiot.
We haven't checked in with our favorite Crazy Hotel Workers for a while, but now along with their blog they've got a website and a bunch of merchandise. But it's still the blog we love the best: recent entries feature guests like the Blonde Marlboro-Scented Wannabe Stripper Girl, those who demand the manager special or pretend to be AAA members when they're not, and a guest nicknamed the Dog Whistler who, yep, whistles to get the attention of the hotel staff.
If you know your own crazy hotel worker, then check their merchandise page for some cool stuff. Our favorite is the Crazy Hotel Workers key chain, which comes with your choice of "room number" between 1 and 150. For $5 it's a nice way to remind everyone that it really must drive you crazy to work in a hotel. We're definitely much happier just being guests, and we are striving to not be written up in the Crazy Hotel Workers blog!
Over at our favorite collection of rants and weird stories from Crazy Hotel Workers, there are more than a few stories of guests who do annoying, strange or quite unthinkable things.
One of the funniest this week involves the guest who called to say that the hotel didn't actually exist, and the conversation went something like this:
Him: I have a reservation there. I'm in Alamosa right now but your hotel isn't here. There isn't an Alamosa Inn.
Me: ...Um. We're right on Main Street.
Him: I'm on the Main Street. There IS no Alamosa Inn.
Me: ...Where on Main Street are you?
Him: (Continues to insist that we don't exist)
Me: (Starts to believe him)
Some minutes later the guest began to believe in the hotel and finally understood the directions.
We also rather liked the story of the guest who desperately wanted to buy the soap dish because it "matched her bathroom perfectly"--not having a soap dish purchase program, the hotel gave it to her for free.
And we had to laugh at the college soccer team who couldn't understand why the buffet breakfast couldn't be available to them all day ... after all, they were always hungry.
Our favorite rambling insight into life on the other side, the Crazy Hotel Workers forum, has gotten a bit tech savvy--updating its website and even tagging its entries.
But the content is still the same--laugh-out-loud stories about what we guests do to really piss off the people behind the front desk. We still think we can learn from them (or at least get high entertainment value). For example: make complaints early ....
A lady called to complain about our "shitty" beds ... and how dirty her room was, demanding her four nights free. Did she mention to anyone at any point before the last night in her four night stay that her bed was so bad, her room so unclean? No? But you want the whole stay free? ... she came down to the front desk with her digital camera and pictures of her "shitty" room. First of all, sick lady, you know I can't do anything else. Second, I'm twenty-one and I know better than to speak like the sailor you seem to be impersonating, at least in public. Third, YOU NEVER, EVER, GAVE US A CHANCE TO FIX THE PROBLEMS.
Got the message? We guess hotel workers (even crazy ones) actually don't hate us, and would like to fix our problems, if only they knew about them.
Crazy Hotel Worker Commandment #44: Don't walk into the lobby yelling out "Hello??"
We probably all want to be pleasant hotel guests, don't we? Yeah, we sometimes might think that the hotel staff are there to serve us and only us, and not the other hundred or thousand guests who also feel the same way ... but if you are ever in any doubt what hotel staff expect from us, just check in on Crazy Hotel Workers and you'll learn fast. Highlights from recent days include a list of things they hate:
People who tell me to smile ... People who come back multiple times for change ... People who force me to speak to someone on their cell phone ... and people who come to check in several hours early and then repeatedly come to the desk asking for things before it's even check in time.
And a pet hate are those "Hello?" shouters who don't really give a hotel front desk worker the time to stand up:
I hate people who yell out HELLO??? the second they enter the lobby. I'm fucking sitting right here behind the computer. Or maybe I'm on the toilet. And yes, I can hear you enter from the toilet and I know you're being an impatient asshole. I assure you I will be out to help you ASAP and just to make up some time for you I'll be sure to skip washing my hands.
See, there's punishment for everything. We might have our own gripes about what hotel staff don't do for us, but most of us don't have to deal with that all day, every day. Aren't we lucky.
A recent post from our favorite site, Crazy Hotel Workers sheds some light on what the front desk is thinking when you complain that the internet isn't working. Hairspray Queen writes:
The free internet we provide for you is a convenience, not a God-given right. I am sorry I don't have the power to magically bring the server back up to speed, but you'll just have to freaking live with it for now, because I'm not going to throw my back out trying to yank all those heavy stacked chairs from the storage room where our server's kept so I can reset it in hopes that this will fix the problem.
Another crazy hotel worker, Curiouser1228, a tech support agent for a hotel, responded to this post by saying:
It's also not fair for them to expect that the front desk person has any training to deal with the server or any of the internet equipment.
Then they recommend calling Tech Support. We wonder if hotel workers think this way when you are shelling out $10 or $20 on WiFi? Let's hope not.
We just love the Crazy Hotel Workers forum where they post all their deepest thoughts and what they are really thinking when you tell them that you accidentally ordered an in-room adult movie.
This time, a hotel worker is griping about a guest who did not seem to know what a key card does:
So I checked in a guest. Normal check in, nothing crazy. I put his keycard in the envelope and said "This is your room number, elevators up ahead, blah blah blah". He opens the keycard packet, takes out the key, and gives it a thorough examination. He looks at me and says, "This gets me into my room?".
I had to hold back from saying, "Yes, sir. Welcome to the 21st century. We no longer use regular keys and haven't done so in about 20 years. We also have same day drycleaning service so if you would like me to hold your washboard in the bellman's closet, I'd be more than happy to do so. If you need to make an outside call please dial "9" before you BUY A FUCKING CELL PHONE. If there's anything else we can do for you please feel free to ask".
Hey now, take it easy on this poor guest. After all he's just a caveman. He fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Our world frightens and confuses him.
So while we know and understand that most hotel workers are saying crappy things about you inside their heads (which is why we need someone like Parkman from "Heroes" along on our trips), one forum member takes it a little too far:
Some guests are great but others you just want to choke-slam
Er...right so we won't bother you about getting a late check-out then, alright?
Santa has given our Christmas present early and we're here to share it with you. So if you really want to know what the average day of a hotel worker looks like, you have to head over to the whiny complaining pages of the Crazy Hotel Workers blog. Under the motto "hotel employees of the world unite!", nobody seems to write about what a great day they had in their hotel, but there are pages upon pages of all the events that got their day down. Complaining guests, of course, bear the brunt of the complaints.
I was waiting on another guest and waiting for his credit reciept to print off, when another man came up and basically pushed his bill into my hand and looked at me dumbfounded when I told him to hold on a moment while i rang the other gentleman through. He goes "what? Are you busy?" I was like "no...i'm just standing here playing with the debit machine to see if it will give me free money...what are you blind?!"
Yet he was relatively polite compared to the guy who complained about getting a better room at no extra cost:
I'm sorry that the person in charge of your group did not reserve you a smoking room but told you they did. Yeah, it must be my fault. Go ahead and yell at me for a bit about it. Then, when I inform you that the only smoking rooms we have, are an upgrade from yours and you get it at NO COST...continue to yell at me for just a little bit longer...
Still another front desk employee has had so many bad experiences that he's started writing rules for future guests, including this one:
When you walk into the door and I smile brightly and say "Hello!", this is your cue to greet me back in some fashion. "Hi!" or even a simple nod and smile will suffice. If you ignore me I will interpret this as meaning you are illiterate and are not familiar with civilized social protocol. I will understand this to be your very first day out in the world after living your entire life in a dark basement, which explains why you don't have any manners.
Yep, it's always different on the other side. This holiday season, be nice to the hotel employees you meet and good things will happen in return.
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by amandak
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