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13 Things You Wish Didn’t Happen in Hotel Rooms (But They Do)

October 1, 2013 at 10:04 AM | by | ()

It's not always fresh towels, room service and chocolates on the pillows at hotels. No, there's a darker side of hotels you don't want to think about when you hand over your credit card at the front desk. But in the spirit of all things spooky this month, here's our list of 13 Things You Wish Didn’t Happen in Hotel Rooms (But They Do) .

1. Sex: No surprise here. People have been trysting in hotel rooms since hotels were invented. Business men, business women, politicians, actors, athletes, marrieds, not marrieds, married but not to each other, prostitutes, gigolos, gay, straight, bondage enthusiasts, bronies, furries, plushies. Really, everyone is having sex in hotel rooms. Everyone. Oh and let's not forget about sex with yourself. That's what all those on-demand movies are for. The best you can hope for is that housekeeping manages to clean up anything, um, left behind.

2. Drugs: Not only are people taking booze from the minibar but they are also smoking, snorting and yes, even shooting drugs all over the hotel room. Heck, some people even use hotel rooms as meth labs. And it doesn’t matter the class of hotel. We wouldn’t be surprised to hear that more people do heroin in a luxury hotel where rooms cost $600 a night rather than a motel by the highway.

3. Guns: You often hear of passengers getting stopped at TSA for attempting to bring guns on board but there aren’t any metal detectors in hotels (that we know of anyways) so guests and their visitors are free to roam the lobby and the hallways carrying their firearms, unbeknownst to the rest of us. And as we learned from Walter White in season 4 of Breaking Bad, black market gun dealers sometimes make their transactions in hotel rooms. For “defense” purpose. Right.

4. Smoking: We understand that some folks need to light up and don’t want to have to go all the way downstairs to do it. But please, keep the smoking to a smoking room. There’s nothing worse than walking into a supposedly non-smoking room that smells as if someone has been chain-smoking in there for a month.

5. Murder: It’s bad enough when someone kicks the bucket in a hotel room due to natural causes, but it’s way worse when someone is stabbed, shot or suffocated in a hotel room. Sadly, this happens regularly at hotels. We just hope whichever unfortunate hotel employee who found the body got some extra vacation time and a nice bonus.

Still brave enough to plow through the rest of the list? Keep reading after the jump. It gets better. Ok, not really.

6. Sickness: This editor once holed up in a hotel room in Amsterdam with a dreadful head cold. I didn’t leave the room for two days and I went through multiple boxes of tissues and when things got dire, some toilet paper. But that was just a head cold. I was totally fine after those two days. Yet I’ve heard people being knocked out by flus and other viruses for a week or more in hotels. And I won’t mention food poisoning. Alright, I just did. That happens too.

7. Sloppy Housekeeping: It is one thing to have a room with poorly made bed (learn how to make it the right way here!) but we’ve heard horror stories of housekeepers who use your toothbrush to clean the toilets, Windex to “clean” the drinking cups and a toilet brush to scrub the tub. After all this nasty stuff we’ve mentioned that goes on in hotel rooms, you gotta hope you’re in a hotel with a respectable housekeeping staff.

8. Babies: We’re not talking about babies being born in hotel rooms, although, we’re sure that happens too. No, we’re talking about changing poopie diapers on the bed, bathing poopie butts in the bathroom sink, messy feedings at the desk, split breastmilk on the nightstand, throw up on the floor and more. Seriously, if you think about some of the stuff that goes on with babies in hotel rooms you may want to run to an adults-only Caribbean resort pronto.

9. Pets: Pets and babies are more alike than you think, except pets can leave their dander everywhere after they check-out. Not to mention pee or poop behind the curtains. Or bring in fleas. Luckily, most hotels charge pet owners a non-refundable cleaning fee but beware of the ones that don’t.

10. Theft: When your stuff gets stolen from your hotel room it’s almost like you got robbed twice. You paid money to stay in this hotel and you got ripped off while doing so. Here are a few ways to keep your stuff safe during your stay. But that doesn’t apply to the folks who stay in hotel rooms, just so they can steal the artwork. Oh yeah, people really do that.

11. Athletes: Have you ever smelled a hockey bag? You know, one filled with all the equipment of an ice hockey player? It’s the kind of smell that will either cause you to pass out with one whiff or else, cut down your will to live. But hockey players and other athletes--both professional and amateur--often stay in hotels, throwing their equipment and sweaty uniforms all over the room. But then again, if they just air-dry their spandex in the bathroom or let their equipment bag fester in the closet, that’s nothing compared to what these football players once did.

12. Celebrities: Speaking of badly behaved guests, celebrities are always trashing their hotel rooms, “rearranging” the furniture in some way or just being a general nuisance. Here are some examples: Charlie Sheen defiled The Plaza. Lindsay Lohan left cigarette burns all over the W Union Square. Amanda Bynes disabled a smoke detector at the Ritz-Carlton Central Park. Kanye West got loud at the Lanesborough in London. Florence Welch set fire to her room at the Bowery. David Arquette was too noisy at the Mondrian Hollywood and Dennis Rodman...well, where hasn't Dennis Rodman caused a scene? The list of celebs behaving badly in hotels goes on and on here.

13. Bedbugs You can tell if someone's been smoking in the hotel room before you. You can catch the dirty hairs in the shower. You can see if the housekeeper did a poor job of making the bed but you can't see the bed bugs. Most likely, you won't even know the bed bugs got you until you're back home, covered in little red welts and globbing on Cortizone by the gallon. But it's too late. Call the doctor then send us your scathing review.

[Ashtray photo: Flickr; Ritz-Carlton Photo: Flickr; All others: HotelChatter]

Archived Comments:

Another reason read Reviews/Comments

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All these and more...

...happen in my fictional hotel, The Winchester.  Of course, some good stuff happens as well.

Check out Room 702.  One hotel suite.  One year.  Many stories.  (By me, Ann Benjamin!)