HotelChatter

Check in:
We’d heard much about snobbery at the Parker, so it was with trepidation that we drove our 1996 Toyota Corolla up the swanky, bush-lined drive to the valet (there's no self-park). Not to worry – the valets were charming. Sadly, the lady on reception was not so charming. Not snobby, just unfriendly, uncharming and uninformative. She simply checked our ID, gave us our spa credit token and room key and sent us on our way. Incidentally, we found on check out that we’d been upgraded – something they do for all SPG members, no matter what level (we are the lowest), if availability allows. Yet she didn’t tell us! It’s almost like she didn’t want us to kiss her feet or something. Weird.

Room Reaction:
We forgot about frigid desk lady the minute we walked out into the garden to get to our room. It was dark, but we walked past a fire pit, through some incredible-smelling plants (jasmine, orange trees etc), past a lit up pool and steaming hot tub, and wove our way to the North Building. We couldn’t find an elevator to take us to the second floor, so we lugged our stuff up to room 75.

Which was gorgeous. Kind of rustic French, with whitewashed brick walls, high ceiling, wheat-colored carpet and white shutters overlooking the garden, There were pictures of celebs on the walls and a nice little clutch of books (Jacqueline Susann, Philip Roth) on a marble shelf by the door.

The bed was supremely comfy. The TV, oddly, was a bulbous old style thing rather than a flat-screen, which seemed out of place. And there was a small table to eat or work on, which wasn’t ideal for working on – but hey, this is Palm Springs, we just worked in bed.

The bathroom was tucked discreetly round the corner. The basin area didn’t have a door, but it wasn’t a major deal since you couldn’t see into it from the bed (you’d have to go round to the cupboard to have a peek. It had two sinks and pretty pink marble, but it was very small – not the kind of bathroom to salivate over. The shower (over a bath) and toilet were tucked away in a tiny room, through a door. Again, we didn’t mind, since we aren’t the type to hang out in the bathroom, but it didn’t scream luxe. Also, the minibar was in the bathroom, which we found kinda gross. Luckily it had a paltry stock of coke, water, Red Bull and beer, so there was nothing we wanted from it.

The only major problem with the room, though, was the embarrassingly thin walls, which meant we knew exactly how thorough a sexing our neighbors on both sides got on both nights. When you send yourself to sleep by counting bed squeaks as clear as if they’re coming from your bed, you know there’s an issue with the walls. Which we definitely don’t expect from a hotel of this caliber. Had we not been alone, we might have felt compelled to act out that scene from Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and no one wants that.

Amenity Madness:
One of our all-time favorite amenity hauls that our bathroom at home is still thanking the hotel for. Rather than one brand, the bathroom had a little tray containing L’Occitane and Hermes soap (Hermes in a funky green soapdish that you will keep forever), Bulgari body lotion, Molton Brown shower gel, Penhaligon’s shampoo and conditioner, Blistex lip balm, a travelsize pack of Q Tips (not the bag of four you normally get) and Peter Thomas Roth sunscreen. Personally, we don’t dig Bulgari and Molton Brown and Penhaligon’s bore us – but having the choice was fantastic. And what was even more fantastic was the fact that they replaced every single one of these the following day when we hid used our stash with the first night. Full marks.

Public Areas:
Did we mention we fell in love with the gardens? Take a look at this picture gallery to see why. Lots of little areas – containing hammocks, a fire pit, a croquet lawn – all cut off from each other (privacy!) by rambling plants and palm trees. Seats pushed together in little retreats from those main garden areas. And little touches like piles of oranges to take in the morning as you lounge in the sun. Perfection.

The lobby was fabulous – glorious high ceilings, décor that doesn’t look dated, and a nice eclectic load of stuff from the suits of armour by the door and the Rolling Stones-style picture of a cigarette-munching pair of lips over the stairs, to that infamous DRUGS sign.

There was a gorgeous mid-century style living room area, too, with some fab egg chairs, but it was pretty small and because it was kinda exposed to the lobby, it wasn’t that conducive to sitting.

The pool was kinda disappointing. Fine, but small. Cheap chair covers. It would be super-crowded in summer.

Spa
The spa was, after all, the reason we came here. Staff were a delight and very helpful. The treatments were top notch. They have various soundtracks you can choose, from Chopin’s nocturnes to drum n bass, which is cool. Sadly there was no sign of the shots of whiskey and non-spa rabbit food being passed around that they'd promised.

The relaxation room and pool area is both huge and beautiful, with iPods plugged into each of the seats, but beware, it’s for men and women. Fine in theory, but in practice there were a couple of couples in various states of dry humpage in the pool, which meant we didn’t test the water.

With the Spa Junkie package, we got $200 credit towards one treatment. An hour-long massage or facial, including tip, comes to $180, and you can only put that remaining $20 towards another full service (ie not a manicure). So beware that it's basically $180 credit - which still, to be fair, is an awesome deal.

Food and drink
Posh restaurant Mister Parkers was closed while we were there – it’s only open Wednesday through Sunday. On our first night, exhaustion made us cave to extremely expensive room service, which was, however, very good.

For breakfast, we ate at Norma’s, the posh diner. Again, it was extremely expensive ($6 coffee), and varied in whether it was worth it. The first day we had Upstream Eggs Benedict with salmon. The muffin was as cold as the salmon, the sauce was luke-warm and the waitress was a snotty cow. Thoroughly disappointing. We decided not to return.

Being lazy, though (the hotel is out of town so you have a fair drive if you want to eat out), we did in fact return the next day and a charming man served us a Waz-Za – a humungous waffle stuffed with fruit like mango and covered with blueberries. It was $20 but awesome. And we don’t normally do sweet stuff for brekkie.

The Mini Bar is a tiny bar (it seats about 6-8) in the lobby. We checked it out after our spa visit (cos in Palm Springs you get a massage and then a drink, right?) and were confronted by another snobby woman who tried to persuade us to have a drink at Norma’s rather than her bar. That is, until we made a joke about our “spa hair”, at which point she totally changed tack and said she’d love us to have a drink at her bar. Um, if your bar only accepts pony tails, jeans and minimal makeup if you have the excuse of coming from the spa, no thanks love, we’ll find a better place to drink.

Internet Connect:
WiFi is included in the whopping $30 resort fee, as well it should. It was, however, blazing fast and strong enough to use even in the garden. We had a glorious morning working from a hammock slung from a palm tree.

What We Liked:
We’ll be back like a shot for those gardens. We loved the room, although next time we’ll bring earplugs. And most of the staff were lovely, from John the concierge to the valets who told us that the weird noise our car was making was lack of power steering fluid, and helped us top it up, right outside the front door. No snobdom there.

What We Didn’t Like:
Um, the snobbery of some of the staff. When we’re at a hotel, we want to feel comfortable whether we’re skanked up for a night, coming back from the spa or wanting breakfast by ourselves the next morning. Disapproving looks are not cool.

Also, that check in was terrible. It was only as we heard someone else being checked in as we checked out that we heard everything the resort fee had covered – a load of guff, but also a free pot of coffee delivered to your room each morning. If only we’d been told that at check in, we’d have saved $6 at Norma’s.

Bottom Line:
Sod the snobs: the garden, the room, the free upgrades for SPG members (ie anyone) and the spa deal made our stay idyllic. We’ll definitely be back, but this time with ear plugs and a thicker skin.