HotelChatter

· Affinia Gardens:
This is the place we'd put our money on for Qaddafi's stay, owing to their location on the Upper East Side (East 64th Street, when the UN is at 48th Street) and the availability not only of first floor rooms, but first floor rooms with private garden patios. If Qaddafi really wants a tent, he could always go camping-style on the patio. Room prices start at $270, and we just realized that we might have just done all the work for Qaddafi's travel planner by even finding this place.

· Hotel 414:
Watch out tourists with modest budgets; Qaddafi is in town and he's turning your breakfast room into his strategic room! The Hotel 414, with rooms starting at $159, is a little easier on the wallet and just as close to the UN as the Affinia Gardens—414 is on West 46th Street, and the UN is on East 48th Street. They have the required first floor rooms, but alas no patios at this tourist-class hotel. On the bright side, he could pass out T-shirts in the lobby to replace backpacking student's worn Che shirts.

· Hotel 17:
Located further downtown than Qaddafi's staff might want—in Gramercy—the Hotel 17 offers first floor rooms with at least a cool quotient. Even better, room rates start at $100 and if Qaddafi is a big Woody Allen fan, he'll stay here owing to this being the location for the filming of "Manhattan Murder Mystery."

Whatever hotel Qaddafi holes himself up in, we sincerely hope that they don't go raising the Libyan flag out front and making of themselves a target. No one but Qaddafi is happy about the Lockerbie bombing, and with the bomber's recent release and Libyan welcome, America isn't exactly the best place for a dictator to vacation.

[Photo: AP and 414 Hotel]