HotelChatter

The reasons why Hotel Villa Caletas falls short of five star standards spans all elements of the experience (except for spot-on service in the restaurants), but hands down, our biggest gripe was the excessive use of advertorial signage throughout the property. The entrance to what would otherwise be a beautiful main building was flanked by two large canvas signs reminiscent of a used car showroom – one hawking Caletas Real Estate; the other, the first of innumerable not-so-discreet promotional materials for the hotel’s Serenity Spa. It’s safe to say any semblance of serenity was immediately sidelined by this downright tacky display.

Hoping it was an isolated slip of marketing sensibilities, we checked into our sprawling villa, where the veranda and view left us absolutely speechless. (The view and veranda are the two best things Villa Caletas has going for it.) That is until we discovered not one, but two, exact same signs, for yep – you guessed it! – Serenity Spa in the bathroom, kinda like the plastic framed ads you find for breath mints and condoms plastered on the back of seedy bathroom stalls.

Similar advertorial was spotted inside the bathroom at Mirador Restaurant, the property’s fine dining establishment, and throughout the property on table tents and printed material in a plethora of formats. We had no choice but to see just how fab the Serenity Spa was for ourselves. Sure, the treatment rooms are stunning (thanks to the view), but our service provider yawned throughout our scrub and the bathroom facility was KOA Campground quality at best. Despite the hype, it didn’t exactly deliver a whole lot of serenity.

The worst offense of signage faux pas’ was committed at Zephyr Palace, a recently constructed, grandiose structure that is proudly touted as the premiere part of the property, with rooms ranging from $550-$1,800 per night. As we were told just how exclusive this space was, we were greeted by one of the most pathetic reception desks we’ve ever encountered, lined with the same signage found at the front entrance. Give us a piece of furniture on par with the over-the-top opulence found throughout the Palace, or a beautiful antique desk at the very least.

Instead, we found an underwhelming (and unattended) table stacked with promotional material, better suited for an “Enter to Win” contest box than as a point of contact for well-heeled guests expecting a luxury experience.

We sure wish we’d seen Villa Caletas back in its heyday in the 1990’s, an era in which the hotel seems tragically trapped. It’s as if the powers-that-be are resting on the laurels of the property’s former glory, instead of implementing modern and much-needed interpretations of luxury. We’ve globe-trotted enough to know what luxury should be, and IKEA towels, scratchy sheets/fleece blankets/cardboard-like mattresses, standoffish service, and the full court press of self-serving advertorial certainly is a far cry from what we consider to be a five star experience.

Standard rooms during “Green Season” (August 1 – November 14) start at $159 for double occupancy.

The writer was hosted for a one night stay while on several assignments throughout Costa Rica.