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Some Good News If You Have the Misfortune To Be Called Guy Fawkes

October 19, 2009 at 11:43 AM | by | Comments (0)

Know anyone called Guy Fawkes? Or Catherine Wheel? No? Us neither. Funny, because from the offer that Future Inns has announced this morning, there’d be quite a few.

Here’s the offer, in all its resounding, poor-grammared idiocy:

There is hope for some Guys Fawkes’ [sic] this November: Whilst many will be hoisted to the top of bonfires as people across the UK prepare for fifth of November celebrations, leading hotel brand Future Inns has pledged to protect other ‘Guys’ around the UK by offering a free room for the night.”

Neat idea, you’re thinking. You’ll probably tell your friend Guy about this one. Except, no you won’t. Because the offer isn’t open to people called Guy. It’s purely for people called Guy Fawkes. And we would happily lay money on not being able to find one in time to claim his free room (worth a whole £69, or $113), come November 5 (the offer runs from 5-11 November, in case you’d like to have a go).

And that’s not all. Ladies, you get a free night’s stay if you’re called Catherine Wheel. Yes! Catherine Wheel! It’s so clever!! Get it? Except the one thing nobody will get is the free room, because we have our doubts that it’s been fashionable to name your kids after fireworks at any point in the last, ooh 70 years.

Moral of the tale: if you’re going to do a silly promotion, you really should make it relevant to at least one person. Else it just smacks of an ill-thought-out marketing stunt and your public will just be annoyed.

Although, ahem, if there does happen to be a Guy Fawkes or a Catherine Wheel reading this, to claim your free night, email proof of ID to guyfawkesrooms@jbp.co.uk, maybe consider making the first move in a rapprochement with your parents, who you most likely disowned several years ago, and then wonder whether a free night in Cardiff, Plymouth or Bristol (we forgot to mention, those are the only hotels in the brand) is really worth the train fare to get there. NB: probably not.

[Photo: Gibafulatata]

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