HotelChatter

The package starts at $419 per couple per night, and a portion of the proceeds goes to the Sea Turtle Monitoring and Protection Project of the Conservancy for Southwest Florida.

The deal includes a Gulf-view room with a king bed, red-clover and raspberry tea (which supposedly has pregnancy-promoting qualities), a couples massage with fertility-enhancing aromatherapy, and an "authentic Balinese commemorative photo album" to, um, hold your very special photographs.

And get this:

As a special gift for couples who conceive during their stay, the resort will provide a complimentary three-night stay for a return visit. Proud parents only need to provide a birth certificate and proof of recent hotel stay, within eight to 10 months of baby's arrival.

Thirteen years from now, a mother is going to make a very, very embarrassing speech at her son's Bar Mitzvah reception and mention something about conceiving him among the fertile turtles. Perhaps the reception will even have a turtle theme.

Or maybe his father will nickname him "Teenage Ninja Turtle" (minus the "Mutant" of course) and the poor kid will never know why.

Okay. We're done.

The offer is valid until October 31st, 2008; reservations can be made here.