The Nelson Mandela suite is where the great man wrote most of his autobiography, A Long Walk to Freedom. It's indescribable--it takes five minutes to walk from one end to the other, and more than one hand to count the number of separate rooms. Take sunglasses for the gleaming marble, but anything else you might need is there.

Standard 'Egoli suites' (pictured above) are the least expensive options and are sufficiently flamboyant. Four-poster beds, lavish African décor, state-of-the-art sound and television systems. Complimentary champagne on arrival, ready and waiting in the evening ice bucket, and Molton Brown toiletries in irresistibly stealable 300ml bottles.

Anything you want to know is answered immediately by the superb staff. We called reception at 4am to find out the altitude of Johannesburg (don't ask why), and two minutes later a butler knocked and handed us a neatly printed sheet of headed paper with the correct answer. Flawless.

And the food? Oysters are the least extravagant option on the menu. You can try crocodile laksa which tastes somewhere between chicken and prawn (take our word for it and you don't need to try.) Or you can sample any variety of South African game meat outside on their sunny terrace or in the minimalist restaurant. The wine list is one of the most comprehensive in the country.

The Saxon's spa has recently been voted the best spa in South Africa - for a reason. We only borrowed a costume for a splash in the smaller of two outdoor pools (opposite which is a pool of valuable koi--make sure you get the right one), but this was refreshing enough, with its overhanging trees and sunny spots. We nearly fainted at the sight of the jet pool, hydro massage pool (with underwater music), cold plunge pool, huge steam room, hair studio....and had to be revived in the spa's own bar.

Standard Egoli suites are around 5,400 rand ($721) a night including breakfast, but the Nelson Mandela suite will set you back 21,000 rand ($2,805). That's why, we guess, you don't get very many South Africans staying here. But if you can forget the security you passed on the way in and the poverty and desperation that lies around you, you'll sleep damn well for the money.