HotelChatter

Check-In
Pulling up to the hotel, I was already an instant fan because there were no rickety overhangs to walk under. In fact, the hotel didn't seem to be under any construction at all. I was greeted at the front desk, and the lady seemed to be expecting me. My keys were handed off and I was on my way to my room in under 5 minutes.

This time, I was sent to my room without an escort which is just fine by me. I walked through the atrium lobby and took the glass elevator up to my room.

Room Reaction
The room was fabulous! Spacious, fantastic, glorious, and with a view of Red Square to boot! The bathroom had a heated floor. Oh, and the room had FREE WiFi. It's worth noting, though, that while the WiFi is free, it has a lot of hiccups. It's better to use the extra-long Ethernet cable.

The room was modern, done up in nice blonde woods. Most important to the décor to my eyes, an unoffensive bedspread. I can't stand hotel bedspreads with ridiculous designs! Thankfully the Ararat understands this frustration, and exhibits a simple white duvet for its guests.

Thank you and good night, I said, as I was zonked to hell from the check-ins and check-outs of Russia's airport system. Well, almost good night.

Dining In
I needed a freakin' nap, but I ordered room service first, a grilled chicken sandwich (~$35). It arrived within 15 minutes, and was presented gloriously.

Some guests might freak out that they insisted on placing the tray directly on the bed, but I was all about it. The large size of the bed meant that I could go in and out of my nap between bites of my chicken club.

Dining Out
Just after 11:30pm, when I finally woke up, I wandered down to the hotel lobby to ask about food. I couldn't really justify another bout with room service. I felt I should check out a nearby restaurant, or perhaps just another place in the hotel to get the full effect.

I was told that my only option at this time was the restaurant on the hotel's top floor, which some staff called the observatory floor. Immediately after getting off the elevator, and when I say immediately, I mean within 2 1/2 seconds, I was greeted by the eye contact of a delightfully charming woman seeking her very own Client No. 9.

She looked up, exhaled a bit of her cigarette, and smiled. This was going to be fun.

My waitress came to the table and heard that I was sick, and insisted that I have some mulled wine. She brought this quickly, and though it was a sweet gesture, it was disgusting and full of some weird planty bits.

I just couldn't do it so I asked for a Coke with ice. Asking for a Coke with ice became an argument. "Are you sure? But it's so late! But you're sick! Won't this just make it worse? Well, how about without ice?" I love you for caring about my health, Park Hyatt, but just give me what freakin' I want!!!

Indecent Proposals
After the waitress walked away, the lady of the evening decided to approach. She said to me, "Young business man my favorite kind." I replied, "Oh, fun! Mine too! Let me buy you a drink." I called the waitress over and asked her to give the "lady" a drink.

Then, I asked the lady to go back to her post, noting, "It's in both of our professional best interests. You won't make a dime off of me." She smiled and kind of slithered and purred back over to her turf.

Slow Service
It took over an hour for the food to come. I didn't mind, really, and wouldn't have noticed if the waitress hadn't kept coming over apologizing to me. Each time she apologized, she wanted to give me something. A second mulled wine (still gross). Another coke (with ice). And another. And another. And then the food came.

It was presented in a lovely way with fun shoestrings of squash and zucchini. And so tasty! What a perfect meal to enjoy in such an interesting setting. As I finished my meal, which the waitress insisted on comping, I walked to the elevator and passed the lady of the night along the way. She had a taker! So it seems that all good things come to those who wait. She got a John and I got some chicken.

Bottom Line
BEST FEATURES: Free WiFi/Ethernet, Room Service, Lobby, Heated Bathroom Floor, Easy access to ladies of the night (we all come to Russia for different reasons--don't judge!)

WORST FEATURES: A waitress looking out for my best interests rather than taking orders (which isn't so bad.)

[Photo: McMurrich77]