But Bikini, egregious though it is, is just one component of La Barra's shock and awe-style blitzkrieg on the senses (and the wallet). In this boom barrio, located just a few miles east of Punta del Este city, you'll find bars that only get going at 4am, breakfast joints that only get going at 4pm, modeling agencies, realtors, fashion boutiques, surfer cafés, art galleries, and hotels of various sizes.

Spookily quiet (except for the constant hum and grind from the construction projects) during most of the year, in January La Barra becomes ground zero for Punta's omnihedonists; a place, like Strawberry Fields, where nothing is real.

And nothing to get hung about -- unless, that is, you get hung about choosing a hotel. Relax. Looking to score a bargain rate? Forget it. Throw your money around. If you don't have real money, use a credit card. Don't pay today what you can put off until tomorrow. Don't fear the repoman. See how the stress just drains away?

Mantra Resort, Spa and Casino

One of the quote Leading Hotels of the World unquote, Mantra offers plenty of bang for your 700 bucks (minimum) per night: a casino and spa (duh); a cinema; on-site boutiques; two restaurants; a wine bar; a private beach; and -- as is obligatory these days -- a totally pointless art gallery. Ideal for those who are wavering between the Caribbean and Uruguay; here, you can split the difference.

Hotel La Bluette

A new suite for 2008, but otherwise no change, thank God, at this La Barra icon. Best staff and service in Punta del Este? It's a contender. Each of the rooms has its own distinct design scheme and private terrace with ocean view. If you're gullible, you'll be impressed by how sharply their rates drop in the off-season. If you're not, you'll be stunned by how vertiginously their rates rise in the high season.

Las Dunas Hotel and Spa

Within easy leering distance of Bikini Beach, Las Dunas is fashionable, stylish, and dang expensive. Those whose minds have been blown by the view can get a great shiatsu massage in the spa. Bring your bling.

Esturíon de Montoya Deluxe Resort and Suites

Overlooking Montoya beach (one of the best in the area, or at least one of the trendiest), the Esturíon is flash, efficient, and rather dull. Amenities include a private beach, an excellent kids club, and, new for 2008, a well-equipped spa. The kind of place where models will greet you with a cheery 'hola' in the lobby -- even if you're fat and horrible.

La Posta del Cangrejo

The 'crab hotel' -- doesn't sound too promising, does it? Perhaps the last resort for those who couldn't score a room at the 'bed-bug inn.' In fact this is one of the top lodgings in La Barra, with soothing trad French-country accents and great service. George Bush Snr and Babs stayed here a few years back -- and if that isn't proof that La Barra has 'something for everyone', nothing is.

Backpacker

Our token budget recommendation. But it's still going to set you back 160 dollars plus tax, per person, per night, over Xmas and New Year -- for a bunk bed in a dorm! Good amenities though, including pool, Wi-Fi, bike hire, and the inevitable communal barbecue.

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