First of all, what are you gonna do with the fugly ring he gave you? You could fly to Mexico and throw it into the ocean upon your arrival if you want, but that's only fun for a few seconds. Better idea: turn it into a completely different ultra-fabulous piece of jewelry for yourself. As part of your package, Grand Velas sets you up with a jeweler for a consultation to plan your ring's new life as a right-hand band, necklace, bracelet or diamond tongue stud (hey, whatever you're into.)

Speaking of diamonds, the Divorcee package also includes something called the "Diamond Divorce" spa experience. We hear the spa is gigantic and this four-course spa treatment should give you a pretty good taste of what they offer; it includes a massage, honey body exfoliation, facial, mani/pedi and a hydrotherapy ritual.

Also included to help you recover your pre-marital seduction skills are meringue and salsa lessons (no word yet on how hot the instructors are, though we remain hopeful for a DD-era Swayze) as well as unlimited booze & meals. For $879 per night (hope your settlement is high), the package comes with an ocean-view Master or Parlor suite.

So we're thinking it's a little less like a recovery program and a bit more like a liberation celebration. If you extend your stay and treat the resort like rehab, though, this might just turn you from a bitter hot mess to a hottie, spitting you back out on the market as a rejuvenated (albeit booze soaked), blinged-out, dancing sexpot.

Anyone know about the dance instructors? Anyone?