No Paradise at Turkey's Adam and Eve Hotel
You know a reviewer didn't like a hotel when he starts his review out like this:
There is no idea on Earth so bad that it cannot be made significantly worse by the injection of very large sums of money.
Ouch. And it gets even worse. The hotel being scathed is the futuristic new Adam and Eve in Belek, Turkey, near Antalya. The dream of a Turkish photocopier-salesman-turned-millionaire, it sounds like it has a lot going for it: claiming to have the world's longest bar AND the world's longest swimming pool. But you should know that the longest doesn't always mean the best:
Yes, the 88m bar is the longest in the world; but if we're going to go for superlatives, how about a few more that don't appear in the badly spelt brochures: the world's slowest and most stupid barstaff (all men) ... the world's most stupid badly signed lift system, but also no stairs, anywhere, so you have to wait for the stupid lift; the world's most annoying traipse back, through almost half a mile of darkened purple terrible Seventies gay porn movie corridors, into whose walls you will stumble about 12 times on your way to get your book just to have something to do while you attempt to eat a horrid international breakfast.
It goes on and on, but perhaps enough has been said already. Suffice to say that the reviewer probably thinks we wouldn't be here if the real Adam and Eve had started out at this place.
· Adam and Eve reviews [TripAdvisor]
· Is This Really the World's Sexiest Hotel? [Guardian UK]