I have to be honest; I hated people like you. Do you hear me? HATED!!! You walked around campus looking all hot with your stuck up friends and you'd never give a guy like me the time of day. But now look Samantha, you're crawling to me for help. When I left you I was the mere apprentice...now I'm the master!

The Tides is just about the most breathtaking hotel on the planet. You'll be catered to like royalty and the ocean is in spitting distance from your oceanfront room. It will run you anywhere between $550 to $3000 a night but towel service is free at the pool. High-powered Telescopes come standard in every room and this novel feature enables you to clearly see the man on the moon, or the man who shouldn't be wearing a Speedo out in public.

[Editor's Note: This story is out of context, if it is not making sense to you, read this one.]