Hana Kai Maui Resort

October 10, 2005 at 11:01 AM | by dzot | Comments (0)

[Editor's Note: Long time Hotel Maven dzot returns to give us first hand knowledge of the goings on at at two top Hawaiian resorts. Aloha.]

Tripadvisor is like your dependable wingman; the guy who stops you from taking that chick in the leather crotch-less panties home when you're nine Sake-bombs to the wind. While it's not necessarily the best thing to have around when you are looking for some hedonistic adventure, it will protect you from doing something you may regret, even for an out of the way place like Hana in Maui.

Hana Kai Maui Resort, is currently number 2 in Tripadvisor's ratings and is pretty clearly a high value prospect. It is referred to as a condominium and that may be factual with respect to its ownership scheme, but it's the kind of condominium that has a lighted sign in front advertising nightly rentals and little "no" plaque to put up in front of the word "vacancy" when the advertising is especially successful.

Hana Kai Maui Resort Continues Post Jump

The first thing to note about Hana Kai Maui is that you can choose an ocean view or a less expensive garden view. Now, I don't know about you, but when I have been presented that option, choosing an ocean view will typically get you a glance at the sea if you are brave enough to lean that far over the railing, whereas a garden view will get you a point blank look at a patch of weeds that has broken through the parking lot asphalt. Not here. This is the view from my first floor garden view terrace. And I suspect I had one of the worst views in the place. Not too shabby.

The second thing to note is that there is no phone or TV. Cue the theme from Gilligan's Island (no phone, no light, no motorcar...). Hana Kai Maui claims that such devices inhibit the spirituality of the place. Well, OK. Spirituality aside, it's not really a problem. Who's going to pay the exorbitant rate for a land-line call from Hana anyway? And they do have a house phone for emergencies. And nobody in their right mind would travel thousands of miles across the Pacific and traverse the entire length of the Hana Highway then spend the evening watching reruns of Friends on TNT.

One guesses air conditioning is also anti-spiritual, since you don't get any. But like the other stuff, you don't need it. The breeze coming in from the Pacific is strong and steady and fresh. The rooms are functional, if a bit shop worn, approximating what you might find in a nice, clean roadside motel with kitchenette. The terrace facing the ocean is where you will want to spend any time you have in your room. The grounds are lovely with a koi pond and a great shoreline.

The sunrise is sweet, plus you don't have to set the alarm for it if you're on Eastern time, they are six hours ahead. And you can easily walk to anything in the town of Hana.

I would have loved to sample Hotel Hana-Maui -- Tripadvisor's, and everybody's, top choice -- but it would have made my poor wallet feel misused and left with that empty feeling the next morning, just like the chick in the crotch-less panties. Whereas Hana Kai Maui Resort is the girl next door who serves you breakfast in bed. And yes, lecherous metaphors are what I am all about.)

Related Stories:
· Hana Kai Maui Hotel Reviews [TripAdvisor]

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