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How To Get A South Beach Hotel For $100...and more

Where: Miami Beach, FL, United States, 33139

January 24, 2005 at 9:38 AM | 1 Comment

[Publisher's Note: Bored by the blizzard here in the Norhteast, we sent Gabe on a mission down in the FLA: Hit a bunch of hotels and find out where, and how, you can get a room for $100 or less on a hot Miami night. Gabe walked up and down Ocean Drive, and true to form, took the assignment to the next level. Immediately following this column are stories on four of the five hotels Gabe visited, just in case you have ADD and can't read more than one or two paragraphs at a time. Enjoy.]

This column was intended to be just a little investigative piece about swanky hotels for $100 or less on Ocean Drive. But for your reading pleasure, and my incessant need to pester front desk staff, I added the celebrity element. I usually pride myself on not giving a flying...well, what I mean to say is that I usually don't give a rat's...OK, take three: To me, gossip about the ultra skinny Paris Hilton or the gray-matterless Prince Moron from across the pond, is about as exciting as televised billiards. But in South Beach, I'm like those annoying star struck women in The Catcher in Rye. So when in Rome...

I walked into 5 hotels and asked these three questions:

"Is it ever possible to get a room for $100 or less in this hotel?"

Of course I was interested, and this was my assignment, however, the above question was basically my set up question to accrue a bit of journalistic credibility before I hit the front desk person over the head with:

"As we both know, South Beach is a melting pot of A-List celebs. I was wondering if Molly Rigwald has ever stayed here? How about any of the Golden Girls? Tanya Harding? George Stephanopoulos? How about that old lady from the "Where's the beef?" commercial? Jared from Subway? No? OK, so who is the biggest celebrity that has stayed here?"

The third and final question was asked simply for my own amusement. It first sounds like it's going to be a serious question for maybe the I.T. department, but after my deliberate pause in the middle, they get thrown for quite a big loop."And last but not least - on average, how fast is the turn around time...(dramatic pause)...with your lost and found department?"

Here are the lucky few hotels that I interviewed:

·   Waldorf Towers Hotel

During the "off season", it will run you $139 for the most inexpensive room on their rate sheet (the summer months are known as the off season in South Florida- temperatures are in the 90's, 24 hours a day, and the relative humidity is somewhere at 456%). But if you walk in there with a functioning credit card, and a few rooms are vacant, the lady at the front desk said she's able to cut last second deals and $100 room isn't out of the question.

She wouldn't even make eye contact with me when I read her my laundry list of D-list celebrities. She just stared at her computer and kept on repeating in a monotone voice, "No, no, no, no, and no." But she did say that Janet Jackson has stayed there before but made sure I understood Janet, or Ms. Jackson if you're nasty, wasn't currently a guest. Which makes sense because the Super Bowl is right around the corner and I'm sure the authorities have her on lockdown.

I thought for sure I was going to get my head bitten off with the lost and found question but she actually gave me a two-minute soliloquy on their policy with items left behind in a room. I would spell it out for you, but I wasn't paying attention.

·   Pelican

In Season, the cheapest room is $190. Off season it goes down to $135. "Let's say you have unoccupied rooms, could someone walk in here and get it for less than the listed prices?" The guy behind the desk snootily replied, "Sir, this isn't Let's Make a Deal."

Because of his prissy, schoolgirl tone, I went really slowly with my lame celebrity list. "George Stepha-who?" he asked. But we joked around for a bit and then he whispered, "JFK Jr. used to stay here from time to time."

He let me check out a few rooms, which were as art deco and sleek as you can get, but made me adhere to their "no photos" policy. I asked him if I could quickly sketch a picture of the room with charcoal pencils but he didn't think it was funny. I didn't even bother with the lost and found question.

·   Casa Grande Suite Hotel

From her accent, I knew within a few seconds that Marissa the assistant manager was a fellow New Yorker. I asked her the $100 question and she answered me with a typical Big Apple facial expression that clearly said, "Are you friggin kidding me???" Season or shmeason, rooms are $315 - $1500 a night. No haggling permitted, written in stone, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

I spared Marissa the pain of the barrage of Molly Ringwalds and Bea Arthurs, but then she wouldn't even tell me about any celebrities who have graced the Casa Grande (which is one of the most beautiful hotels I've ever been in). But I wore her down with my Jedi skills and she finally coughed up the names J.Lo and Britney Spears.

Believe it or not, the lost and found question went over pretty well. She once found a $250,000 bracelet in a room and kept in the safe until it was claimed. "Was it P.Diddy's?" She said it was someone very similar but wouldn't tell me exactly who. Well, it wasn't me, that's for shnizzle.

·   Starlite Hotel

Give or a take a couple of bucks, you can get yourself a room for right around $100 regardless of the season. In comparison to the chic adjacent hotels, Starlite is a bit seedy. The hallways are quite similar to those in the apartment complex where Jules and Vincent were discussing foot massages in Pulp Fiction. However, rhe rooms are pretty decent and the toilet seat is sealed with paper for "your protection". But if I were staying there, I'd keep a Glock 9mm under the bed - also for "my protection".

"You know that guy, from that movie. I think he stayed here once."

"Lost and what department?"

·   Miami Beach International Travelers Hostel

This place is definitely worth mentioning. Yes it's true, the three strangers you'll be sharing a room with may steal your stuff or ritualistically pummel you just for fun, but what do you want for $19 bucks a night in the heart of South Beach? And yes, my bunk in sleep away camp was more luxurious than the rooms here, but at least bratty kids won't try to pee on you while you're sleeping. Well, hopefully not.

Celebrities? Besides the kid in the lobby who looked like Skreech from Saved by the Bell, I really doubt it.

Lost and found? I'm sure the unwritten rule is - finders keepers, loosers weepers.

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Author Photo: gabe berman by gabe berman

1 Comment

Return to » How To Get A South Beach Hotel For $100...and more

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    HotelChatter Member
    September 9, 2006 at 1:06 AM




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