Whoa, whoa, I'm sorry. I'm all for cheap and cheerful.

But tiny, 'tidy' rooms with frumpy bedspreads, puddles on the floor, no toiletries or internet or free breakfast?

On one of the noisiest, most drunken and dirty streets in Paris, with scaffolding erected so that painters can walk straight into your room through the windows the cleaning staff leave wide open, and 'safe-keeping' in an open wardrobe?

Forgive me, but we can do better than that. Even with a crappy exchange rate, you don't travel halfway round the world to spend your holiday sleepless and suffering.

I've walked past the Hotel du Mont Blanc a couple of times, and to be honest, I'd advise readers to do the same.

If Mr TV Buff wants to come to Paris and try out a real VIP hotel - that's his photo, right? - I'd be only too happy to oblige.